The Hawaiian Chronicles

Hawai'i was good times; got to see a lot of stuff: craters, beaches, giant sea turtles, large Polynesian women, old lava flows, etc. We also might have had a beer or two......

After a month or two of relative inactivity, Pele, the goddess of fire on Kilauea volcano awoke with a bit of fury the day we left for Hawai'i, with new, fresh lava flows. This resulted in a change of our itinerary so we could take in a guided hike, in an area closed off to the public, to see some flowing lava.....the red stuff....like on Discovery Channel....

So, in our dorkish, excited state, on the night before we set out on this hike, we decided our best course of action would be to hammer many cans of beer and the better part of a quart and a half of vodka until 4 AM or so.

Not unlike Pele, I have been relatively inactive for a month or two and have become quite the fat bastard. And this hike was taking place at 1PM, and it was god-damned HOT. And the hike took place on older lava flows.....which are colored black when cooled. Add in the heat from the flowing lava (1150 degrees Celsius), the sulfuric gas fumes, and the stank of my booze-soaked body, and I was in for some real good times.

So we quickly fell into a good marching order, with the Native Hawaiian guide leading the way, Aaen directly behind him, and me following. Joe, the prof, was right behind (and unfortunately downwind of) me, with the rest of the group strung out in single file a bit behind. The guide was fairly pumped at the pace we were keeping in comparison to his normal groups of cruise-line passengers (his quote: "newly-wed, over-fed, and nearly dead"). We stopped upon reaching the vicinity of the lava tubes (under the surface of varying thickness cooled lava).

The guide turns and tells us to stay put, and if he goes "through the roof, don't move" and to wait for the other guide to come and lead us out. We get the go-ahead and start moving to follow when I hear a horrifying crunch under my feet......

I fall approximately 2 inches through a small "bubble" in the rock. Alarmed, Aaen responds by turning and POKING ME IN MY GUT!!

Now, in the best of situations, I don't particularly care to be poked in the gut; I know I have a gut, other people know I have a gut, and after wearing no shirt on the whole trip, all of god-damned Hawai'i knows I have a gut (fortunately I look skinny in comparison to the large Polynesians.....). I felt close enough to death on this hike due to the booze, without taking the fucking lava into account, so I didn't really need the gut poke to be reminded.......

Anyway, the guide leads us to a "skylight" in the lava tube, where the molten rock is flowing at 35 miles per hour. It was wild. After everybody got their pics in, the guide takes off again, with Aaen and I in close pursuit. We were travelling parallel the lava tube, sometimes crossing over it. At one point the guide stops for a moment, looks around, and calmly states, "Umm, we better go this way...." Being a month away from finally finishing this degree, I was quick to follow.

Ten minutes or so later, the guide stops, looks around and starts waving his arm and tells us to be quiet. We stop moving, don't say a word, and wait.

A few seconds pass, he's cocking his head one way to another, and then he says "This way!" and takes off over an embankment of old flow. Aaen and I turn to each other with the mutual look of "what the fuck?" and clamber after him.

On the other side of the embankment was fresh lava flowing on the surface.

Pacey once posted that they say Norwegians can hear snow falling.

Apparently Native Hawaiians can hear lava flowing.