Of smuggled rum and (replica) flintlock pistols.....

Ahhh....the Caribbean: soft sand, warm water and cool breezes.... good times to be had.... unless, of course, you get nagged about EVERYTHING....

So I'm getting ready to head down to Hawai'i for March Break for a school trip. This one should be pretty good, gonna check out some volcanoes and different beaches, make it educational as well as entertaining. But, as I'm doing some laundry and packing up few things, I'm flashing back to last year, when the Trevors family went to San Juan on their first family vacation.

First of all, I should clarify: we've done family vacations before when I was younger (I wasn't really "planned" & was an only child until age 11), and since then, both of my little brothers got to go to Disneyworld.....but this was the first one with all the whole family.....and most likely the last one.

San Juan has been a family destination for the better part of 40 years, starting with my Uncle John and his buddies back in the 60's. Since then, my dad and my uncles and their pals have been down there a lot (Uncle John has missed 3 years in total I believe). So we have some history there.......

Well, my mom (who I love dearly & is a great mother and lady), while traveling can be most accurately described as a "paranoid pessimist." In addition, she likes being in control.....a lot. As many of you know, once you check into an airport, the last thing you are is in control.....this didn't bode well.

If a check-in time is recommended two hours before the flight.....we're there four hours prior. We're all going to get shot by the security personnel......because I'm wearing a hat.....even though they're Canadian and unarmed. My discman is going to cause a plane to crash.....while I'm in the airport. I'm going to get strip-searched.....because I'm taking a Tim's coffee through security. And so on and so forth.

We all make our way to the pre-boarding screening, we all get through.....except mom. She has to have the portable metal detector waved over her.....no big deal, right? Not on your life.......this is the "most embarrassing thing ever" to occur to her and she's trying to look to see if anyone she knows witnesses this as she doesn't want the "news" to hit the Miramichi. We eventually board the plane and make it to Puerto Rico.

Well, the week in San Juan goes by (incidents occuring will be covered in future posts) and we'll fast-forward to the airport in San Juan when we leave. As most of you know, Puerto Rico is an American protectorate, operating under the same Customs and Immigration laws as the rest of the continental U.S. , thereby the "importing goods to Canada" rules are the same. The kicker is that it's in the friggin' Caribbean and that means good goddamned rum.......I like rum, and so do my friends.....I bought a bottle each for Aaen and Nick but I can only bring one across. My parents aren't drinkers though; this could work out....one of them could bring a bottle across for me, right?

Well, sweet gentle Jesus......you woulda thought I asked my mother to take part in a Satanic ritual. Dad, of course, had no problems whatsoever taking a bottle of rum for his soon-to-be 29 year-old son's friend.....crap, he was taking cigars for his 17 year-old son's friends.

We get to the security screening and mom was still at me: "I can't believe you're making your father do this....what if he ends up in jail? Do you think he's your mule? And after everything he's done for you......." Well, American airport security guards are a little on edge at the best of times, and hearing this exchange had perked their ears up a little more. Plus, unlike their Canadian counterparts, they do have guns. So I was trying to ignore my mom.....like she was an abandoned crazy lady.....

I get through security, as well as Greg (the 17 year old). Mom and dad are a few people behind Alex (12 year old) when he was going through when a crew of security moved quickly to huddle at a screen on the baggage x-ray.

"WHO"S BAG IS THIS?" one of them demanded.

Alex, quiet as ever, raises his hand as I walk over. I explain that he is my little brother and that his was the bag in question. They unzip the bag and haul out a replica 17th century flintlock pirate's pistol.

Now, in reality, Osama Bin Laden himself could haul that gun out on a plane and I would piss myself laughing. Basically throw some obese cruise passenger from Minnesota in front of the "musket ball" and then everyone could take turns kicking Osama in the nuts as he spent five minutes reloading it......this should've been a good laugh by all involved, the security guards included.

But, after the last nine days of hearing "Matthew! What are you doing?" to pretty much everything I did during waking hours, my response was probably building up & waiting to be released for some time. I turned to my mother and said, "You nag me about everything yet you allow your youngest son have a replica pistol in his carry-on? Nice work."

I didn't get a birthday hug when they dropped me off the next day..........

Stay tuned, hopefully have a posting en direct from Hawai'i! Later!

Here goes.....

Hey folks, hope you're all doing ok. I kinda decided to do this blog thing for a couple of reasons: one, to limit my re-telling of stupid stories of all the random, funny, neat and/or idiotic things I have encountered on my various "adventures;" and two, basically to procrastinate from studying for this midterm that I write tomorrow.

First off, I'm not going to try and brag up that I'm some wild world traveler type; lots of people I know have been away further and longer and to probably cooler places than me, but, for instance, I once spent the better part of a March Break doing a site assessment at a deserted gas station in Upper Blackville, New Brunswick. I can probably guarantee that talking to a few people up there was far more entertaining than the Australian supermodel-types that some of you might've checked out on a beach in Thailand/Fiji/New Zealand or wherever......

Second, the title is an admission of my dorkish leanings.....I've been in school a long, long, long goddamned time, and I have to admit, I'm a bit of a geek.......though I have had, and still do have a lot of fun.....more in the last few weeks than normal for crap's sake. .......BUT.....I study and work in the field of geology.....this makes me somewhat of a dork in some people's eyes, but whatever.....they can suck my ass (which is currently sunburnt due to a tanning bed indiscretion) as I'm probably smarter than them (but maybe not as I have a sunburnt ass) .......so, anyway the title is a play on words for those of you who are not geologically inclined (when you study drilled rock core, you "log" what you see.....that's it....pretty simple, eh?).

A few little ground rules:

• as most of you know, I tend to maybe swear a little; this is not my fault, if any of you know my Uncle John or anybody else on my dad's side of the family, you will understand why. For this reason, you might wanna read all postings through before allowing small children or the elderly to read it;
• names will be changed to protect the guilty and innocent in all cases. Some of you will be able to put two and two together as well as timelines, who was on what trip, etc., and then know who a story is about, but keep it to yourself...this goes for that Alan Gray especially....;
• I will try not to recount various rugby trips too much as we've all been there or have heard it before and have chosen to remember and/or forget whatever parts of them.... ..though some of them are just fucking funny and legendary, so they might be mentioned;
• finally, your comments are welcome....they can be additions and/or clarifications to various postings, they can cut me up if I tell a story about me doing something stupid, or whatever......this blog is just supposed to be fun. If things get taken too far though, remember, I can be very petty and I hold grudges like no tomorrow......I will find you and shit in your pillow case.......

So here goes.......future postings will re-visit places like: Cape Breton (death threats); Labrador (insane dentists); Red Lake, ON (chronic weed-smoking Mohawks); Puerto Rico (nagging mothers and pistols falling into urinals); as well as highlights from the upcoming dork trip to Hawai'i....

I'm off to study for this shitty midterm.....later!